Urban Dictionary definition of Unpopular Girl: A girl who is not well liked by boys and girls. She has no experience in sex and usually looks unappealing. More likely spends most of her time alone with very few friends.
I was never the girl who people went to for fashion advice. I was never the girl who people saw as trendy. I was never the girl who always wore the right clothes, makeup or accessories.
I was the shy, quiet, awkward & weird girl with thick rimmed glasses that NKOTB mentioned in their song “Remix”, except I never became what others would consider a 10.
I was the girl who made good friends, but never shared her deepest secrets. I was the girl who always wondered what people really thought of her when she wasn’t around. I was the girl who wondered if anyone, other than her family & good friends, would care if she disappeared.
I was the girl who built a wall around her because her trust issues advised her to not let anyone get all the way in. I was the girl who used the hurtful words she sometimes heard as the bricks to build that wall.
I was the girl who wanted people to like her and sometimes tried to be cooler than I actually was. Sometimes trying to be anyone but my true self. I was the girl who wanted to be liked for who I was, not just tolerated.
I was the girl who was told that I was kind and a good person, but I was also the girl who didn’t always see herself in the most positive way. I was the girl who let the opinions of others dictate how I felt about myself. I was the girl who didn’t always believe my mom when she told me I was beautiful. I didn’t see what she saw.
I was the girl who got teased because I loved a white boyband. I was the girl who was told to “get hip to some black songsters” which someone kindly wrote in my yearbook. I was the girl who was called an “Oreo” because people didn’t think I acted black enough. I was the girl who didn’t understand why the way I spoke and who I was friends with, was a reason to question my ethnicity.
If I’m honest that girl still exists, but she’s healed a lot after doing a great deal of inner work on herself. That girl was happy despite the growing pains that occasionally occurres in ones life. She has learned from those life lessons and has moved on.
She has grown to accept and love herself as she is. She’s made strides to be a stronger version of herself. She’s let go of the voices of the past that told her she wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough or smart enough. She loves the person reflected back at her in the mirror. She loves her perfections and her flaws.
She’s more focused on the wonderful things she has already accomplished and plans to achieve much more in the future. She strives to look inside herself for acceptance more than outside herself. She is still and always will be a work in progress, but a stronger and wiser work in progress than she was the day before.
She’s still that shy, quiet, awkward & weird girl, but now she wears contacts. She also completely embraces who she is & tries not to dwell on those who can’t or won’t accept her. She’s come to love and appreciate everything that makes her unique. She’s appreciative of the people in her life even though she sometimes rather be by herself (hello introvert).
She has found a way to use her voice and speak her truth and will continue to do so. She is a queen and an amazing woman. She is ME!